


Honey Bunches of Oats

by BoxOnTheNile



Series: nile's norkingtucker au [2]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Morning After, Other, Trans Character, because that's where we're at, is there a tag for realizing you've been dicked so good you can't walk?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 16:21:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15710865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoxOnTheNile/pseuds/BoxOnTheNile
Summary: Oh, shit. Sam's fuckingdickwas a hazard, apparently, because now Tucker couldn't get his legs under him and that was not a problem solving itself soon. He was screwed.Actually, he’d been screwed, he'd been screwed so well he couldn'twalk.





	Honey Bunches of Oats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HappyLeech](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyLeech/gifts).



> ::slides in:: so anyone who's talked to me on discord for more than five minutes knows about my modern au, loving called Nile's Norkingtucker AU. 
> 
> Except this oneshot is two and a half years pre- norkingtucker. Whoops.
> 
> Leechy prompted me on tumblr: _modern au Lucker: Tucker calling Sam 'honey bunches of oats' instead of a normal petname_

Tucker stirred when Sam left the bed, pushing up on one elbow as he shuffled around the bedroom, scooping clothing off the floor to fold or place in the hamper. “Hot.”

Sam glanced over his shoulder. “You can go back to sleep. I’ll take Junior to school.”

There was a familiar flash of fear and fury at the offer, but Tucker quashed it violently. Sam wasn’t Felix, he _trusted_ Sam with his son. “Yeah, okay. Kai is showing me the ropes on bartending later today. Don't let Junior skip breakfast, he takes after-" Tucker cut himself off. 

“I'll make omelets.” 

“Fuck, save me one.” Tucker shoved his face in the pillow, then lifted his head again. “Today's pronouns, so I'm not one of the annoying assholes misgendering you accidentally?”

“He is good.” Sam finished collecting clothing from where it had been abandoned the night before and headed for his en suite. “Go back to sleep.” 

Tucker rolled over, shivering at the pleasant ache in his hips, and did just that. Sam would handle things.

He woke again a few hours later. The house was quiet, so unlike Tucker's apartment, and he took a moment to relish it before his stomach reminded him exactly how many calories he burned last night. It was still uncomfortable to close his thighs, but a shower would help.

His phone was on the nightstand. Sam was amazing. 

 

**_Sam:_ ** _ada its j ily good morning_

**_the t man:_ ** _hey sam? best dm ever ty for letting j text_  
_**the t man:** and that's datemate not dungeon master_  
_**the t man:** also u changed ur name in my phone again why_  
_**Sam:** Of course, Junior insisted. And there's only so many ‘X’ references you can make, Lavernius. I'm hoping you'll run out._  
_**the t man:** jokes on u ill reuse refs_  
_**Sam:** Fuck._

 

Tucker laughed and finally pushed away the blankets, sliding out of the bed. This was shaping up to be a great morning already- he’d had a full night's sleep for the first time in weeks, too fucked out for nightmares; there were omelets he didn't have to cook waiting for him; and his wrist had finally stopped bothering him over the weather change.

His knees gave out.

He hit the floor hard, shouting as he caught himself with his bad arm. It took awhile for the pain to dull, and he immediately ran through a couple mobility exercises from PT. It was fine, he was fine, but what the fuck?

Oh, shit. Sam's fucking _dick_ was a hazard, apparently, because now Tucker couldn't get his legs under him and that was not a problem solving itself soon. He was screwed.

Actually, he’d been screwed, he'd been screwed so well he couldn't _walk_.

Pressing his bad wrist to his chest, he blindly rummaged across the bed for his phone and pulled up his contacts. The phone only rang a couple times before, _“Hello?”_

“Sam. Darling. Light of my life.”

_“Lavernius?”_

“Honey bunches of oats.”

_“Lavernius.”_

“I can’t walk!” Tucker said brightly. As if in agreement, one of the muscles in his back twinged painfully. “We boned down _so hard_ last night that my knees will not hold me.”

Sam made a choked sound.

“So I’m sitting on your carpet and I might need help. I could call Leo, I mean, he was there when I had Junior so it’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked before, but I figured you might want to know. Because Allison will probably kill you.”

_“I’ll come home. Stay there.”_

“Yeah, that’s not gonna be a problem.” There was a click as the call disconnected, and Tucker pulled the phone from his ear to frown. He had one more call to make.

_“Chorus restaurant and bar, this is Simmons, how can I help you?”_

“Sims, it’s Tucker.”

 _“Tucker?”_ There was a sound of something clattering on the other end, and distant yelling. _“Kai, shut up, I’m on the phone! Tucker, what’s going on?”_

“I, uh. It’s a bad wrist day.”

Simmons made a soft sound of sympathy. _“Okay, yeah. You were a spare hand today anyway, we don’t even need your shift covered. Call your PT if you need to, okay?”_

 _“What’s up?”_ Grif’s voice was muffled, but audible.

_“Tucker’s having a bad pain day.”_

_“I’m gonna fucking kill him!”_ Grif said cheerfully. Tucker snorted into the phone- Grif hated his ex more than he did.

“Allison has first dibs,” Tucker reminded, and Simmons repeated it so Grif could hear.

 _“Take care of yourself,”_ Simmons told him. 

“I will,” Tucker promised before he hung up. He felt a little bad about the lie, but he’d rather not tell his bosses about the rad sex he was having, even if those bosses were also his best friends. They liked Sam, sure, but they were still extremely protective. 

He played around on his phone for a bit, checking his Tiny Bird Garden and catching a Zigzagoon on Poké-Go before he heard the front door open. He tensed habitually, but Sam called out, “It’s me.”

“Still back here!” Tucker yelled. Sam appeared in the doorway a moment later, and his shoulders hunched a little in shame. “Sam, just help me up and in the shower, it’s fine.”

“I hurt you,” he said, softly, and Tucker was not about that shit.

“No, you did not.” He took the hand Sam offered. His knees took his weight better this time, but they still shook, so he leaned against Sam’s side. He wrapped an arm around Tucker’s waist. “The fact that I can’t walk this long after means you did the exact opposite of hurting me, and a lot of it.”

Its was hard to see blushes on Sam's face, but Tucker had been dating him long enough to see the subtle change in the color of his cheeks. “I mean, god, were you trying to break a world record? ‘Most Orgasms’?”

“What was the final count?” Sam looked at him, the corner of his mouth curling into a smirk.

“Five,” Tucker told him. “Six? I was pretty fucked out but there might have been one there at the end.” Sam's expression changed to something like pride, and Tucker frowned. “Do not get ideas, Ortez. This cannot happen when I have work ever again.”

“When you have work,” Sam echoed back.

Tucker groaned dramatically, but he didn't really mean it. Sam’s sex drive was pretty hit-and-miss, what with him being aspec, but when it _hit_ , well. 

Six orgasms happened, apparently. 

Sam's master bathroom was ridiculously fancy, but the shower was big enough for Tucker to sit on the floor, so he _supposed_ it was okay. (It was. He loved that shower. Maybe one day he'd get Sam to fuck him in it.)

“I love you,” he said. Sam stopped short, clean towel dropping from his hands to floor. Tucker snorted. “Smooth. But I do. Maybe not a forever kind, yet, but you're one of my best friends. The person you're dating should always be your friend, right?”

Sam picked the towel back up. “I. I, uh.”

“You don't have to say it back. Shoo, I gotta shower.”

Sam lingered in the doorway a moment as he left. “You're my best friend, too.”

Tucker twisted the faucet on sharply before he did something stupid like cry.

**Author's Note:**

> -Both Tucker and Sam are six or seven months out of Bad Relationships  
> -Junior is eight  
> \- find two other parts of this au [here](http://boxonthenile.tumblr.com/post/175465561392/tuckington-family-date-night-aka-junior-is-there) and [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15398340/chapters/35875284). Both take place about two years after this.
> 
> I changed my tumblr url! It's now the same as my username here on ao3.


End file.
